For a long time family has been pushed to the back burner. It was set aside as higher education and careers made their way into the spotlight. Everyone seemed to be chasing something for happiness while unbeknownst to them running away from the real dream.
FAMILY. Such a complex mix of personalities, memories, traditions, nostalgia, love, and hate.
Your experience may have been really good, really bad or somewhere in between. Either way, everyone carries the emotions and baggage of the family they belong to.
Family connects people to the past and their future. You carry on traditions and stories from generations that came before you and you have the privilege to do the same and leave a legacy that will be carried on to the generations to come; your descendants.
It’s quite extraordinary when you think about it. You are shaped by your past and have the opportunity to shape the future generations.
If you came from a troubled household the thought of this could be quite depressing or overwhelming. Maybe you don’t want to pass along what was handed to you, yet you feel stuck in the generational cycle of bad choices.
You might have the desire to change but don’t know where to turn to or where to begin to know what a healthy family looks like.
We can all fall into the comparison trap of looking to other families to see how we measure up. The problem with that is that we’ll either think we’re good enough or not good enough, which can lead to complacency, “ We’re doing ok, we’re not as crazy as that family!” or despondency, “We could never measure up, our family is too far gone.”
Neither of those is a healthy response.
You’re called to set your eyes on Jesus because he is the author of your life and the perfecter of your faith.
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, looking to Jesus, you know that He broke any strongholds that could weigh you down when He went to the cross. You need to let it go so that you can run your race in FAITH. The faith to see your family how it should be, not how it is.
How is God calling you to lead your family? Maybe you’re asking yourself, What is family?
God didn’t leave us in the dark in this area. He created family as the first institution way back in the book of Genesis in the Bible, even before the church. He even used His original model, the family, when referring to the body of Christ, the church. He refers to Himself as Father and Jesus as His One and Only Son.
If you want to make family great again you need to look at the original design that God gave and model your family after that. Not anyone else’s earthy family.
And before you think it’s impossible and name all the reasons why you can’t, let me encourage you to just take one step of faith in the right direction. One small step for your family can mean a giant step for your future generations. Your legacy will outlast you.
Throughout the years we’ve had our share of marriage and parenting challenges. Don’t we all? I look back with absolute thankfulness in my heart that the hard decisions we made back then, changed the trajectory of our family life forever! It wasn’t because of anything we did, but everything God did.
Our part was to surrender our mess and brokenness. We gave God fragments in faith and He gave us wholeness in return. That same blessing is available to you and your family.
God’s design for family has been twisted, abused, and neglected to the point that most people don’t know what God really said and His expectations for family.
Don’t believe the lie that the bible is antiquated and was written over two thousand years ago to a “less advanced” group of people or that it doesn’t apply to you.
The reality is that all our “progressive” culture has done has led to rejecting God and His Word. Living by God’s commands is counter cultural to what we know and what our flesh desires to do.
To be fair, I’m not writing this pointing my finger at you and breathing down condemnation. On the contrary, I’ve done the same thing! I’ve questioned God’s word, “Did God really say that? Those words were heard way back in the garden when it all started, and we know how that turned out. (Gen 3:1)
Looking at our culture, one can’t help but question where we went wrong; so much hurt, confusion, and pain, that we ended up blaming God for this misery instead of taking responsibility for our sins.
How often do we ask ourselves, “What if we did it God’s way?”
Let’s take a look at some scriptures that show part of God’s design for family:
As Individuals:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. love God with all your heart all your soul and all your strength”Deuteronomy 6:5-7
Look to love God first. You will love your family better if you love God and His word above all because it will lead you to truth. Loving God first will help you love your spouse and children better.
For Marriage:
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Ephesians 5:25
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
Husbands and wives. You need each other. You weren’t meant to live life your way, for yourself and on your own. You were meant to be in communion with one another and serve each other. When done correctly, loving and submitting to one another works harmoniously and honors God.
To Parents:
“Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’” Genesis 1:28
“But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.” Malachi 2:15
Family was established to grow and multiply. Being fruitful doesn’t only mean making babies. Families should be producing, creating, establishing, inventing all for the purpose of bringing glory to God. That’s why it’s important to raise godly offspring who Honor God in all they do.
To Children:
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12
The only command with a promise! It doesn’t take much to see the breakdown of the family that has happened over the years. If we look back a few generations in our families and consider their values, then look at the next generation and their own values and do so down the line, we can see how over time values have been watered down. The result of that decline is what we have now, individuality, independence, and isolation.
Change the narrative and teach your family to value what God values. Love, honor, and protect.
Go back to basics and cherish community, cooperation, and togetherness.
What changes can you incorporate into your family to make a positive change? No need to make these changes all at once, but write out a list and keep it handy so that you can sprinkle it in.
Here are some ideas:
Pray together Dedicate a family prayer time where you all come together to pray and say what you’re thankful for. It doesn’t have to be long. Just a short prayer from everyone can help you get to better understand the needs of your family members at the moment.
Read the bible Pick a time daily to read one chapter from one of the gospels or Psalms, or work your way through Proverbs as a family
Eat dinner together Try to come together and eat as a family as much as you can at the dinner table. Even if you start with one meal a week, just start. Eventually, you can make opportunities to increase it.
Prioritize your family Your family is your first ministry. Write in their events on your calendar and attend. Do fun things together like play games or have a movie night. Know what’s going on in their life.
Serve one another What can you do to bless someone in your family today? Help them with something they’re struggling with, give them a ride if they need it, do them a favor, make them a treat they’ll enjoy..
Small changes can make a big difference and every family can make their family great again by turning back to God’s design.